Strength
by Liv909
Summary: A very AU oneshot about why Equius is obsessed with being strong.


**This is a one-shot about why Equius is so obsessed with strength. This is very AU since we know that E%ecutor Darkleer isn't his father, and that trolls don't have fathers, and that trolls don't get pregnant. They have lusii. Whatever. =P Enjoy.**

Strength.

It's an attribute that marked the true sign of a man.

My father was the famous E%ecutor Darkleer. He was a brave, smart man during his time. However, he had his ups and downs. His ups were when he was a strong e%ecutor for the Condesce. His downs were terrible. He never recovered from them. It all happened around the time of that stupid Sufferer. The mutant just came in, wanting to restore equality and friendship. How boring, right? The mutant blood just came in wanting everyone to get along. It was quite disconcerting and to be honest, it ruined my life. It ruined my father's life. The Sufferer didn't care who had to bear the brunt of his little rebellion. Filthy hypocrite. I was happy to see him up there, dying, his red blood for all of Alternia to see. I remember the day my father came back, a nervous wreck. I had never seen him so...weak.

**~#~#~#~#~#~#~#**

A little boy with broken horns and missing teeth came running in. He was returning from school. The little troll was excited. The next day would be Career Day. His father would be coming in and telling the class what a brave, strong man he was, working for the Condesce. Of course, little Equius Zahhak didn't exactly understand the extent of his father's job. He just bragged continually to his friends at school. The teacher, Ms. Lalonde, an exchange teacher from some planet called Earth, didn't understand either so she never corrected Equius. The classmates admired Equius and couldn't wait to meet his strong, brave father. That's why Equius was so shocked when he found his father crying at the table. The little troll ran over and brushed a hand down his father's muscled arm.

"Dad, what's wrong?" he asked. The taller man, basically Equius' twin, sighed and held his head in his hands.

"Son...I lost my job." he said sternly. Equius pursed his lips with shock. His father's prestigious job...gone...what would he say? How would he explain it to the kids in class? The little troll's face fell. His father was so sad. He didn't know how to cheer him up. Equius was too young to ask his father why he lost it, nor did he really care. He sat down in a chair and stared into blank space while his father bawled loudly. Time flew by for the two trolls. Equius enjoyed having his father home but he missed the prestige of being the son of a federal executioner. Kids at school took advantage of him now. Those that Equius bullied, now bullied him. Equius was too sad to retaliate. He was going through a confusing point in his life. When Darkleer Zahhak-his new plain name-suddenly told his son they had to move away, Equius didn't argue back. There was no reason for him to stay here anymore. He had no friends, no social life. He didn't have fun anymore. So they packed up and left. The two Zahhaks packed up the little belongings they had and left in the middle of the night. They never returned.

**~#~#~#~#~#~#~#**

Mr. Zahhak and his son lived in a cave alone. They were lonely and depressed most of the time, but going through life, day by day. Darkleer tried to send his son, hours away to a school. However, Equius was acting out badly and he was expelled. With nothing else to do, they hid in the cave and rarely saw the sun of day. Equius was now 5 sweeps old. He remembered when a very pretty female troll entered their cave. She introduced herself as Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, however she insisted that Equius call her Ms. Mindfang. The woman wore an all-blue outfit and had a very elegant pirate hat with colorful feathery plumes. She let Equius play with it. Equius was eavesdropping outside the door and listened to the adults' conversation. He was shocked and frozen with silence.

"Darkleer, you can't 8ox yourself in here forever." she said soothingly.

"Why not?!" he moaned. "I have no life, nothing to live for. I'm not an e%eutioner any more."

"You have a son, a 80y that looks up to you. You need to stay strong for him."

"Hell with being strong. I hope the Condesce is happy, she drained me of everything I've ever loved." he said. Equius tried to think this his dad loved him, but it seemed like he really loved his job.

"You freaking idiot! I just told you! Your life isn't over just 8ecause that 8itch fired you." Equius could tell the woman got up and paced around the room. "As you can tell, Redglare 8lew off my arm. I know you're still into ro8otics. 8uild me a ro8otic arm." There was a silent pause over the room. Equius could tell his dad got up too.

"Fine. I'll make an e%ception to my depressing state...for you."

"Thank you. It'll take your mind off things." Equius started to sweat. He heard a kiss. He stuck his tongue out and suddenly the door opened. He tried to act naturally. The woman bent down, showing him some cleavage and grabbing her hat back. "Thank you for watching it for me." Equius wiped some sweat off his brow and smiled. Mindfang tousled his hair and looked over her shoulder. "I appreci8 you doing this for me, Darkleer. Give me a call when you're all done." Equius saw his dad emerge from the room and lean on the doorstep. He smiled and was sweating a little too.

"No problem, Marquise. I shall."

**~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#**

Equius was now six sweeps old. Today was his birthday actually. Approximately two human years had passed since Marquise came by and asked Darkleer to build the robotic arm. After asking that favor, she came by frequently. Equius was woken up by his father, who was smiling down on him. Over the last sweep, his mood picked up for the better. Equius was happy his father was happy. Due to the family's somewhat poverished state, Darkleer didn't have any presents for his son. It didn't matter to Equius. He only had one question: he wanted to know why their life was suddenly uprooted. When Equius asked this, Darkleer was caught off-guard. However, he answered, on the base that he felt his son was old enough.

"It all started with Her Imperious Condescension, the empress of Alternia. She summoned me to be the E%ecutioner. It was my job to kill the weak and lawless. The undisciplined died at my hand. You know about the Sufferer...the mutant who wanted everyone to get along and not rely on the Hemospectrum." Equius nodded. He did know. It was all the talk at school. A sweep ago, the mutant died via crucifixion. None of that really applied to Equius because he was a blue-blood like his father. Darkleer sighed and continued. Equius could tell this was rough for his father but he wanted to know all the details. "When we caught the mutant, we caught his Disciple too. She was a pretty one, dressed in green and had long dark hair..." Equius wondered why his father described her so. He didn't question it. "She came in front of me. Her head was down, she was on her knees, her boyfriend the Sufferer was watching with depressed eyes. I had my bowstrings back, ready to fire. Ready to kill." Darkleer stopped. Equius placed a hand on his father's shoulders.

"Father..."

"I need to continue. You're old enought to know." he said firmly. "I looked into her eyes. So pitiful...I couldn't do it. I let her go." Equius rose his eyebrows.

"You let her go?!"

"I had to, son. You'll understand when you're older...I looked into her eyes and I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill her." Equius' face fell. It all started to make sense. His father's sudden change of heart and application of mercy cost him his job. "Her Imperious Condescension fired me and banished me away from Alternia. I had to take you and hide us out in a cave. Now here we are." Equius' stomach pitted. His father cost him their life. Uprooted them all for some pretty peasant-blood. Equius clenched his fists and pounded on the table. Darkleer stood up abruptly.

"You ruined our life to save some girl?!"

"It wasn't just some girl, Equius! You won't understand..."

"I do understand! You loved her, but you sacrificed our life for hers! She's probably dead anyways!" Equius felt a firm slap on his face. He held a hand over his cheek and looked up at his father. Darkleer was furious, panting and sweating profusely.

"Don't you ever speak to me like that again. Go to your room. NOW." Equius' face fell and he slowly walked to his room.

**~#~#~#~#~#~#~#**

I lost all respect for my father in that moment. I looked back at the moments where I was so proud of him and bragged about him nonstop. I learned in that moment that he didn't care about me. All he cared about was his job and that girl. I learned much later on in my life, that the girl was pregnant with the Sufferer's children. I think that's why my father didn't kill her. He wasn't taking just one life, he was taking three. I understand a little now, but I could still never forgive him. He knew I couldn't forgive him either. That was why he killed himself, leaving me with a centaur-lookin lusus that I named Arthour. I don't know if his death was good or bad. He was paying for what he did to me and him. But at the same time, maybe I could've forgiven him and we could have lived our life in this damp cave. However, without him, I can move on.

I have my own hive. I'm alone. I'm actually friends with the Sufferer's and Disciple's children. Karkat Vantas and Nepeta Leijon. They don't know they're siblings. They've simply taken the name of their father and mother. Their story is another story, one that will be told on another day. But anyways, I'm trailing. My father was a weak man. He couldn't take pressure. As a matter of fact, he caved into pressure badly. He let the pregnant girl win him over, he let her go, he gave up his job, he got banished. End of story. There really isn't anything else to say. Strength marks the true sign of a man. My father wasn't STRONG. He was weak. I just pray that I won't be as weak as him. That's why I work my sweaty ass off to be strong, so I will never be a man like him.


End file.
